Bloody Accept it Yaar!

"I am told to just be myself, but as much as I have practiced the impression, I am still no good at it."  ~Robert Brault

So, I am just telling this to myself! Because, it seems like how much ever I tell myself, I just don’t seem to accept that the ‘present’ is the only reality. Ok, don’t want to beat around the bush. Many of you might be able to relate to this.

 Often times we can hear ourselves saying, ‘I am just not like this, I am behaving this way coz of blah blah blah reasons,…I was such a patient person, I used to be so jovial, I used to be so positive, I used to a replacement for the word good & excellent!..(Man!)... But, now, I am having to change bcoz my circumstances are like this, bcoz I am not working, bcoz my health is bad, bcoz my husband doesn’t understand, bcoz I miss my family and friends, because I don’t get a break from work!’ Yes, I recurrently speak such stuff. Result, I am only irritating me! Really, I am irritated with myself for the first time. I gotta accept that if this is what I am saying, for a good year or more, then it might as well be that I have changed. Indeed, circumstances do change us. But, isn’t it  the ‘Test of life', to go through these circumstances and not change for the worse?

 Yes, it is the truth, I am a person who has lost a lot of my patience, so I have to term myself impatient. Hard to tag yourself this way, right? As though, we fear it is gonna become a permanent tag. But, can we not keep this tag, call the spade a spade and then try to change our game? Yes, change to the reverse gear and prove it that I was patient. Oh lord, why this denial! Often, I hear from relatives who are post 50yrs of age that they used to be this and that when they were young, and mind you, since my birth I wouldn’t have seen them that way! What are they speaking??? But, before I point towards others, I should be the first one to bloody accept, right or wrong reasons, fair or unfair, that, I have changed a lot in bad ways and may be a little for the good too. So, relieving my own soul, for my own good, I Nitsvitz accept that I am impatient, I am moody, I am short tempered, I am lazy and few more things. Yes, Yes, I was not like this before. To hell with that. Haha, but, I got the reality check ‘on’ now.  I know my hubby will be upset to see I am writing such stuff coz he is too soft on me, but, hopefully he realizes this step is for my own betterment.